shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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