I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
