mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
