please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
