Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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