sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
