Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
