I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
