Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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