my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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