probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
