I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
