Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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