So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
