So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
