So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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