His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
