Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize