did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
