he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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