Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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