but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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