So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
