I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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