also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
