Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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