One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize