I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
