Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
