wakey wakey hands off snakey
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
