the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
