Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
