So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
