she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
