This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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