I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
