were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
