ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
