Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just gift wrapped bread.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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