i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
