like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
