I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
