and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
