So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
