this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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