So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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