Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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