This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize