There was a lot of him and a little penis
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
