Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
