just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
