you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize