and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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