I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
