don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize