Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my shit smells like andre
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
