I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
