I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize