you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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