im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
