dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
