ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
