the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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