I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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