nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
