you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Randomize
