idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
