After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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